Rising and resting
“People are waking up. People are waking up. People are waking up to the truth of their manipulation under toxic systems. People are waking up to heal….We ignore our bodies need to rest and in doing so, we lose touch with our spirits”
Tricia Hersey
“Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto”
In Tricia Hersey’s :Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto”, she explores how capitalism, white supremacy, and “grind culture” have stolen our peace and our bodies as a means of production. In my own personal therapy this week (yes your therapists have therapists), We discussed how my usual self-care tactics have recently been leaving me drained rather than renewed. I have always struggled with productivity being king in my life, whether that stems from trauma,society, or as a result of the assimilation my native Tiano, Puerto Rican family took part in throughout settling in the states. Productivity to me was my whole worth, if I can complete my list today, then I am full and I did not waste 12-16 hours doing “nothing”.
I was introduced to the Nap ministry, and consequently Hersey’s work, by a colleague of mine. I felt that I was resting “right”. That I should be getting 8 hours of sleep, waking up in the morning, doing my work, and repeating the cycle. When in reality, I was giving into another hidden (in retrospect not really hidden) form of capitalism, that was using me as a tool to aid white supremacist ideals weaved into society, and even myself.
Self care for me meant: baking bread and sweet treats, reading books, swimming, and cleaning. I began to notice that if my bread didn't rise properly, I was either incredibly hard on myself or deeply depressed that I wasted 5-24 hours trying to make the perfect loaf. Reading became about getting through books as quickly as possible in order to feel accomplished. Swimming became trying to beat the amount of laps I put in the day before. Cleaning became about decluttering and making my space “presentable” for whoever may be entering it. Productivity and capitalism had snuck their way into my self care and relaxation times, guised as successfully caring for myself.
How did this happen? When did I allow myself to be controlled? Was there ever a time where I wasn't? Was little Maddie always set up and programmed for productivity to the point of utter exhaustion? I feel bad for them, little Maddie didn't and still doesn't deserve that.
As I reflect upon what has been taken away from me, I feel as though I am waking up, rising to the morning sun of resting I haven't felt since I was four years old. My goal over the last couple months has been to find spaces without control, whether I create that, or it is something that exists. My kitchen has become a space for welcomed missteps, the pool I go to to swim has become a body of water that can only be controlled by mother nature and all of her divinity. Books have become a solace for me, a place where no one is tracking me, not even myself. And cleaning happens when it would improve me and/or my partners health. I have begun the practice of “rotting”: sitting on the couch or laying in bed, and just being. I know rotting may have an unpleasant connotation, but the actual pleasantness of it wins me over every time. All of these practices have shifted from giving to productivity to allowing myself to give to me and little Maddie.
My desire for myself, and for you reading this is to rise up and rest. Explore your resting rituals and identify any points of productivity, sit with them and explore the role/purpose of such. Invite yourself to remove the productivity from it. Rising and Resting - it has saved me, and I wish this for every person whose soul has been stolen. May it make its way back to you whilst you rise and rest.
Read Tricia Hersey’s work and explore the Nap Ministry’s movement here:
https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/
http://www.triciahersey.com/about.html