Internal Family Systems
Internal Family Systems
“Most of us received some version of the message ‘just put it behind you—let it go’ from well-meaning family and friends. So we exile the fallout from dreadful episodes in the past. But in doing that, we’re not only exiling memories, sensations, and emotions, we’re also exiling the parts of us that were hurt most by those events.”
Internal Family Systems therapy was created around the idea that we all have an internal system with parts that hold different roles.
Each part functions within the system, believing its job is most important. These roles are often adaptations we’ve had to develop in response to upsetting events that have happened within one’s life. You might have a part that functions as a people pleaser, a depressed part, or a part that self harms. You might have an anxious part or a busybody part. In the IFS model, we consider each part as important and necessary and get to know each part with the goal of integrating them in to the system to become self lead rather than part lead.
When we are self lead, we are able to function from a resourced and centered place. The parts can take comfort in feeling the presence of self so they don’t have to work as hard.
This model is helpful in understanding adaptations in response to trauma. With the belief there are no “bad” parts and all parts are welcome, it allows compassion to come through in the midst of parts that might cause you to experience discomfort.
Trauma can trick you in to viewing the world in black and white, believing you are all one thing or another. You may catch yourself thinking I am bad, holding this belief for all of you. When we acknowledge the human complexities, that there are many parts of us, it helps bring some ease—to recognize you are not all one thing.
For some, it may be hard to access self compassion. Offering compassion in small doses to parts can make the concept feel less daunting.
The healing that takes place when we begin to turn toward our parts with compassion is incredible. This modality is helpful in connecting the body piece with emotion and memory reconsolidation for an integrative approach to therapy.